Alongcameanarc

Tonight:

How does he remove me from his life? He says he can’t do so legally…..I believe he is working on a course of action in his head. He’s playing and replaying my demise attempting to perfect his plan.

Yet again I was, according to EX, given ‘100% of everything’. He received 1/2. HALF. One half of our marital assets. I refi’d the house 3 yrs, 2 months ago. His VA loan has been free and clear for him to reuse again for the last 3 yrs, 2 months. The only alternative to how the judge divided assets would have been to sell the house and split the left over equity after selling costs, and then divide his 403b acct in half and split between the two of us. The equity was virtually identical to the balance in his 403b and I wanted the house.

Gaslighting, delusion or just plain old liar? Actually they all fit.

Ex was writing monthly checks for the spousal support. I believe he savored writing those checks. Every month was a new and different vile name written in the notes section of the checks. Ex’s visible tantrums every month. My attorney asked at the final divorce trial for a withholding order. Ex argued against withholding because he ‘pays his bills’. The judge ordered withholding.

This still begs: Why can’t he rent? Why is it a house ‘decades older’ or ‘homeless in his van’? Why are these the only options? Drama drama drama

February 2026 marks 5 years. 5 years since I caught him red handed having an affair. 3 yrs, 2 months since our divorce was finalized.

‘’That is 100% of my problem.’’: When is he going to move on? Get a life? Stop perseverating on me? His ‘problem’ is his heart is full of hate and grudge holding. His ‘problem’ is he lost control and it’s eating him alive.

Son spent the weekend with Ex, but he is home now. As usual when son returns from Ex, it’s all the ‘dad say’. So for the umpteenth time I got to hear dad say mom bad wife, dad say mom steal dad money, dad say he want son to live with him. All the yada yada yada son has returned with time after time. But this time, son had a ‘dad say’ I never heard before. I’ve never heard this but it did fill in a hole in the story of something that happened 4 years ago. And Im hurt and angry with Ex all over again.

We as a family bought a sweet little 9 week old golden retriever. She was our family dog. Son and daughter were young. They grew up with her. She was their dog, our dog.

At our temporary divorce hearing in May, 2021, the kids and I were awarded sole occupancy of our home. Ex was given 30 days to vacate. The 30 longest days of my life. He made life extra hell during that time. I remember that extreme trepidation I felt when the judge said 30 days. My attorney said it’ll be OK, they always run to the house and pack and are out in a day or two, sometimes even a few hours later. I looked at my attorney and said you don’t understand, ex will drag this out to the bitter end. And that is exactly what Ex did. He stayed until 2 hours before the 5:00 deadline on the 30th day.

Although Ex had already absconded with tens of thousands of dollars of personal assets from the house, on that 30th day, he started packing out anything he could lay hands on. And lastly, the golden retriever. I told him she was the family dog. She needed to stay with the kids. Ex told me fuck you and said I will make sure you never see her again and walked out with her, as well as another of our dogs. The other dog, a Turkish Kangal, was arguably Ex’s dog. The Golden Retriever was the family dog. From June 2021-January 2022, Ex fulfilled his promise. I was not allowed to see her. Ex had her in his truck during pickups with son. Ex drove around with the windows down. Both dogs would hang out the window, so excited to see me. If I approached the truck to pet them, Ex immediately rolled the windows up. Pure unadulterated pettiness.

January 2022, I did get to see her one last time. Lying on the bed of his truck. Dead. Ex had sent a long convoluted group text to his mother, step-daughter, adultery partner and our daughter. He went on about how he had lost the most important thing in his life. Daughter wanted to see her one last time, but she didn’t want to go alone. I went with daughter to step- daughter’s house for a last viewing. It was heartbreaking. I don’t actually know why Ex included daughter on the group text. They hadn’t spoken in 7 months at that point. After months of horrible behavior towards daughter, I believe Ex thought it was his sympathy inroad to daughter. No admissions of guilt or wrong doing on his part, just a look at poor woe is me, I lost my beloved dog. But our 18 year old daughter wanted what we all wanted. An apology, a I was wrong and Im sorry. But that never materialized. What I can say for certain, Ex had fulfilled his promise that I would never see our family dog again.

I did make a huge mistake the day I found out she died. I sent Ex a little short but sweet video of our dog that Im fairly certain Ex had never seen before. As is Ex’s established MO, instead of simply saying thank you, he used yet another opportunity to trash me.

In August of 2022 son showed me a picture Ex sent him via text. Ex had a golden retriever tattooed on his boob.

I never understood Ex’s seemly drunken really off post from April 2025:

But now it makes sense. Tonight’s the ‘dad say’. Son said ‘dad say’ she died choking on a Costco hot dog. So Ex was up in the middle of the night while son was sleeping, feeding our beautiful 7 year old golden retriever a left over Costco hot dog and she choked to death.

Ex took our beautiful family dog away from us and then killed her. The story 4 years ago never added up. How did a seemingly health vibrant 7 year old golden retriever just suddenly drop dead? That answer finally came today. And I feel sick. She would more than likely still be with us if Ex hadn’t used her as a pawn in his hate filled games of control. I wish I had that 30th day to do over again. I would take her for a drive and not be home until after Ex’s 5:00 pm deadline.

The man has destroyed Every. Single. Thing. he has ever touched.

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This was 2/1/26. I still feel sick. He gave our sweet beautiful Golden a Costco hot dog in the middle of the night. And here Ex is giving our other sweet dog pizza in the night.Why? There’s something inherently wrong with Ex. I worry. What is next?

How disappointing. So many unhinged posts. Thank goodness for screen shots. Locking it down now doesn’t change a year’s worth of unhinged. I was hoping beyond hoping for the screen shot ‘proof’ Ex is contemplating my demise rather than a year’s worth of alluding to his wet dreams of my demise. Or maybe he just deleted all his unhinged crazy posts, took a few days break from additional crazy posts and there’s more to come.

Or maybe Ex’s on again/off again work whore affair partner is currently giving him all the on again kudos and he’s silent for a bit. Ex did post the most ridiculous post a few nights ago. I looked back a few hours later and there was one like. Work whore liked Ex’s post. Work whore and Ex aren’t Facebook friends. So she’s stalking. Yeah I know. Im checking out his profile too.

One funny thing about Ex’s profile. He has our ‘divorce’ date a whole year wrong. How does someone who hates me this much get that date wrong?

Maybe Ex didn’t privatize his Facebook. I don’t know. He posted this at 1:00 am and deleted it a few hours later. Still trying to convince affair partner he can change. Lol. Ex is almost 60. He’s only gotten worse over the years. I envy affair partner one thing: she can, and apparently has dumped Ex and has the ability to never see or hear from him ever again. I don’t that luxury, and probably never will.

I turned 60 years old 4 months ago. Yikes. 60. I don’t feel 60. Im fairly certain I don’t look 60, but 60 I am. I looked back through old texts with Ex. I think my one thing was travel. Ex never ever prioritized vacation/travel or even family time. I wanted these years to be about seeing more of the world, spending more time as a couple, exploring our world. But Ex wasn’t interested. As I scoured through our old texts I see one overwhelming truth: I was the only one of the two of us invested in our future. Im almost embarrassed at how one sided it was. Late 2019/ early 2020. Ex was disinterested. No matter how much I attempted to draw him in, he was elsewhere. He was uninterested. And non- engaged.

60. I don’t feel 60. Is that too old to venture out? To all the things Ex poo poo’d? All the things I begged him to do? It’s been 5 years. Ex has done nothing. Nothing, but complain about me and continue years of nothing. I don’t want these years to be a continuation of nothing. The glaring realization is Ex never had an expectation of life as a retired couple.

I don’t really know what his expectation was? Maybe nothing? Maybe he just waited for the next ego supply? As I looked forward to the next life chapter? I see more clearly now we were never on the same path. I see too, the begging for attention started a long time ago.

Below is a screen shot of a text I sent Ex after I found out I had received a pretty big promotion at work. I took pictures of my new office and work station. Ex commented on the monitors only. Nothing else. I asked him later, what did he think because he never said anything. I said isn’t it really nice? Ex’s reply: ‘What do you expect on the taxpayer’s dime?’ Something really important to me is degraded. No, yes it’s really great! No, congratulations. No, nothing. Just your monitor is too high and the taxpayers took a hit.

Yes, it was a public service job. But I worked hard for that promotion. Ex acted more jealous than anything.

I texted I love you. He wouldn’t respond for hours, then say ‘busy’ or ‘ sorry, just saw your text’. But no I love you too. I settled for scraps far far far too long.

I have so far had my children to venture out with me over the last 5 years, and we have ventured quite a bit. But now it’s totally on me. Im nervous and intimidated by the thoughts of complete self reliance in travel. I have something big planned in a few months. It’s been in the works for well over a year. It’s big, really big. At least big in my world. Here’s to self reliance.

Kinda sorta but not entirely about my Narc Ex. Feeling it right now. My beautiful youngest daughter, who has been my best friend is leaving for college. She’s 22, smart, beautiful and the best of the best. She truly is lovely. Prettier than most. Striking really. She is moving out but not close by. She is moving so far away my heart worries I may never see her again. And it’s breaking my heart.

I tried so hard not to place too much on her shoulders all through the divorce. Ex has been terrible to daughter. As with his first divorce and his older two children, Ex gave her ultimatums. It’s him or her mom. No middle ground. Either she choose complete loyalty to Ex, rejecting her mother. or she’s dead to him. His older two children chose their mom after his ultimatums. Daughter chose me after Ex gave her similar ultimatums a whole decade later. I never understood him. I tried talking him down after his confrontations with his oldest son, but Ex was determined. Ex was the ‘victim’ and either his son chose Ex to the complete exclusion of his mother or Ex wanted nothing to do with his son. Ex presented almost verbatim ultimatums to our daughter.

Ex screamed at daughter. Tried guilting daughter. Tried convincing her of things that never happened. Attempted gaslighting daughter in ways that left my jaw on the floor. As I said before, daughter is smart, but also observant. And at 17 she wasn’t having it. Ex has disowned daughter. Ex has been cruel and brought his affair partner in to join in on his cruelty.

5 years. Daughter has been my friend. 17-22. But even before the divorce. We have been so close her entire life. Now she’s leaving. My heart is broken. I am so proud of her. She will accomplish everything she sets out to do, but I will miss her beyond what I can put into words.

Feeling lonely and a little obsolete

I had Ex blocked on social media for over 4 years. Even after 5 years since his affair and the starting point of our divorce, Ex’s behavior towards me is if anything getting worse. So after over 4 years of having him blovked, I unblocked Ex and began monitoring his social media posts.

Ex posts in the middle of the night and almost always deletes his crazy posts by early morning. Makes me wonder what he posted during those 4 years that I didn’t see.

Ex’s post 11/25. I’m fairly certain ‘BFC’ is Big Fucking Cunt (me). This is the second time I have seen Ex include a post concerning killing in conjunction with his derogatory posts referring to me. And once again Ex refers to his ‘3’ kids. He has 4 kids. Ex disowned our joint daughter.

12/16/25:

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12/18/25:

12/23/25:

How laughable: ‘I don’t trust the intentions of anyone anymore’. Mr Adultery doesn’t ‘trust’. How pathetic and disingenuous

11/6/25:

11/9/25: What do you suppose ‘Corrective actions’ means?

11/11/25:

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I don’t believe Ex even suspects Im watching his juvenile whiny Facebook posts. Would he be embarrassed if he found out?

I wish he would just bluntly say what it is he means. It’s all up to interpretation so far. I know what i believe he is saying. Would others come to my same conclusion?

I also believe Ex’s currently off again affair partner monitors his Facebook. His posts are insane, yet she keeps allowing him to reel her back in over and over again.

The Ex keeps stating over and over and over ad nauseam that he received nothing in the divorce. He received half the assets. 1/2. Half. Divided in 2 and he walked away with one of the two halves. I will grant that the majority of his half was/is his retirement plan and the majority of my half was the equity in our marital home, but it was still half. He has approximately one more year before he can withdraw from his retirement acct penalty free. He is so dramatic. And a liar. If we had sold our marital home, we would have had to account for all the selling costs, realtor, closing etc, which would have lowered both our halves. As it is I had to refi the house and incurred all the refi costs solely myself, so in reality that fact lowered my half.

We are one month shy of 5 years since I caught Ex red handed with his married work whore affair partner and 3 years post divorce finalization. And he is still incessantly perseverating on me. I have told everyone I know, if anything ever happens to me, point all your fingers towards Ex. And take all his posts with you.

More to come:

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Ex deleted all his weird crazy posts last night. All of them. All the posts screen shot under this heading as well all the posts from early 2025 screen shots listed under title: ‘No longer connected’. Ex’s Facebook appears relatively ‘normal’ right this minute. This feels so much like married life with Ex. The current state of his Facebook is the Ex presented to the outside world. All the ‘crazy’ he’s deleted is the Ex behind closed doors. Two faces of the same coin. Jekyll and Hyde.

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Son and I went to the movie the other night. Ex kept calling and texting son’s phone over snd over while we were in the movie. I told son to text his dad that he is at a movie. Apparently Ex didn’t get the gist of son’s text. So I texted Ex on son’s phone. Here is Ex’s response to me via son’s phone:

Son returned earlier this evening from the weekend with his father. Son was super focused on what ‘dad say’ all weekend: ‘kiss mom goodbye’. We asked son why? Son said, don’t know. We asked son where does dad say mom is going? Son said don’t know, dad say leaving. Leaving to where? Son just kept repeating dad say ‘kiss mom goodbye’. Son was so adamant that’s what dad said, he called Ex saying member you said kiss mom goodbye? Member dad? You say, right dad? Ex raised his voice loud enough to hear across the room, saying I don’t know what you are talking about, then immediately ended the call. After the call ended. Son repeated himself: dad say kiss mom goodbye. Over and over the rest of the evening.

Feels ominous. I went today and did what I should have done a long time ago. I purchased additional home security system cameras.

In the end he said and did things for no other reason than to hurt, to destroy, to devalue, to make me question my entire worth, to regain control.

It was the very end that I began to recognize it started years ago.

So many whys. So many what ifs.

He shouted marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life. But why would he say that? It was simple, I wouldn’t blindly accept his edicts and he had lost control. At the time, his statement was more laughable than hurtful. We were at the point of no return. Discovering his infidelity was my saving grace. My escape. The end. And I knew my confidence was returning.

I half chuckled and said marrying you wasn’t my biggest mistake. I have 2 beautiful children I wouldn’t have if we hadn’t married. I would do it all over again in a heart beat for them. My biggest mistake was staying with you after I figured out who you are.

That moment was one of the very few times he was speechless.

But he never remained speechless, he licked his wounds, regrouped and came back full force.

Time is lessening the what ifs? What if I had done this or had done that? Would it have made a difference? No, I don’t think there is much that could have taken us from this path. He is who he is and there isn’t much I could have done to persuade him from his self righteous trajectory.

The saying goes, time heals all wounds. I do believe this is true. Up to a point. Some wounds scar over and take on a new appearance. Just as physical wounds scar over, yes they healed but they will never ever look like that smooth fresh skin that was there prior to the wounding. Some old wounds are tough and sometimes unattractive and tender to the touch. Maybe over time they become less sensitive but they never forget.

I get asked if Im dating? Why aren’t I putting yourself out there? We need to find you a boyfriend…..I cant do another Ex. Another narcissist. Another control freak. We are approaching the 5 year mark since I uncovered Ex’s affair. I haven’t dated. I haven’t put myself out there. What if? I cant get past the what if? What if he’s a closet covert narcissist like Ex? It’s safer to not find out. What if?

If it’s not one thing it’s another with Ex. But there’s always something. Control is the thing that gets him up in the morning. The thing that keeps him up at night. Control is his life’s blood. What is Ex without control? I believe that to be the very question he mulls around his head during the quiet times day after day, night after night, when there’s no outside sounds to drawn to out the voices of his inner demons.

Why is every little thing, the thing? Grappling for every small morsel of control, no matter how petty. Every inch of life a minefield. I take one small tentative step after another, bracing for his explosions. Walking on eggshells forever and ever.

I envy the people who get to walk away from their Narc Ex, block their number, block their social media, and never see or speak to them again. I envy their peace. I envy their quiet.

Bocce. Who argues over Special Olympics Bocce? My Ex. That’s who. Three years in a row. But only since he felt his self imposed control of bocce slip away. Bocce is a hill to die on I guess. A small petty hill, but a hill none-the-less. A hill rightfully belonging to our disabled son. A hill Ex has no right or business attempting to control. But here we are anyway. There is no hill Ex has ever met he isn’t willing to fight over.

The back story on Bocce: Back in 2019 Ex’s coworker at the time who also has a son with a disability introduced Ex to Bocce. That coworker was coaching the local chapter of Special Olympics Bocce. I had son enrolled in numerous other sports but had never tried Bocce. Prior to 2019 and Bocce Ex had shown only minimal interest in either of our 2 children’s sporting events. But now that he had a work connection, Ex enrolled son in Bocce and participated as son’s unified partner and the pretend public display of ‘involvement’ in front of his coworker was on full display. He ran around being ‘helpful’ and so syrupy sweet and someone I hardly recognized. This wasn’t mean, surly, disagreeable husband and father the kids and I lived with. Ex played unified bocce with son at the regional tournament. When it came time for the state tournament, Ex refused to agree to rent a motel room and told me I couldn’t go. Ex and son rode the bus with the team and stayed in the free housing Special Olympics supplied. The free housing was for the participants only. So I stayed home.

2020- Covid. Special Olympics canceled everything

2021- Still Covid: for the second year in a row Special Olympics canceled everything.

2022- third year of nothing Bocce. Son’s Saturday baseball league did start up play again this year. (12/22 our divorce was finally final.)

2023……things were sort of back to normal. Sort of. Son has played in a Saturday disabilities baseball league since he was around 5 yrs old. He loves it and of course I signed him up to play again this year. Bocce sign ups opened after the baseball league was already full swing. Ex signed son up for unified Bocce without discussing it with me ahead of time, which wasn’t a problem except for the bocce practice schedule….And Ex’s shit show begins. Ex emailed me stating he had signed son up for unified Bocce and the practices were Saturday mornings. Ex stated that he would be leaving with son after the first batting round (first inning) so he could get son to Bocce practice before it begins every Saturday. I said no. Son would need to finish the baseball game and then Ex could take him to Bocce practice late after the games were over. I told him there was only a few more weeks of baseball anyway. Ex wouldn’t accept that and the baseball coach had to intervene on son’s and my behalf. It was embarrassing and so needless. Shortly after the baseball season ended, the Bocce coach switched practices from Saturday mornings to Thursday afternoons. Son wants me to attend everything he does. I want to attend because, well, I want to be there for son. I attended every single bocce practice. Once the practices were switched to Thursdays, Ex stopped showing up. Son was upset because he knew Ex was his partner and because, simply put, Ex didn’t show up. I had to step in and be son’s practice partner. The coach kept asking me where is Ex? After this happened several weeks in a row, Coach called Ex right there during practice. Ex told coach that he wouldn’t be showing up on Thursdays because that is her (me) parenting time. The coach told Ex either he showed up to practices or son couldn’t compete. Ex started showing up to practices again after that phone call. Ex competed with son at the regional tournament that year. I went and sat with son during his down time between matches. Ex kept his back to me at all times. Even turning his chair so his back was to son and I. Eventually, Ex went and sat in his truck during down time so he didn’t have to be in close proximity to me. I honestly don’t remember why they didn’t go to the state tournament or if there even was a state tournament after the regional tournament that year.

2024-Ex had moved 4.5 hours away in January 2024, so Ex wasn’t eligible to complete with son summer of 2024. I signed son and I up for unified competition. I emailed the entire Bocce competition schedule to Ex in April 2024. The state tournament was scheduled for July and fell on ‘Ex’s weekend’. The regional tournament was in June and fell on ‘my’ weekend. Ex’s mother had called me in May. Ex’s step-father had recently passed away and she was working out dates in July to fly to our state for a small memorial for step-father. Apparently none of the west coast family flew back east for his funeral. I told her the tournament date and she repeated it back to me.

Ex came to watch the regional tournament in June. Unfortunately, Ex chose not to sit with the team, or me, and kept son off by themselves during down time between matches and seemed to be mostly on his phone not paying attention to anything including son, but he stayed until the end of the tournament.

There was approximately one month between regional and state tournaments. Shortly before the state tournament I emailed Ex a reminder of the upcoming tournament. Ex replied with a curt response stating my mother made plans for us that weekend. After some investigating on my part, I had to find out through a third party Ex and his mother planned the memorial the same weekend as the state tournament and expected son to just drop everything last minute. Ex and his mother made these plans and chose not to tell me. I had been taking son to twice weekly practices at which his upcoming tournament was discussed each time. If Ex and his mother had shown son and I even a small modicum of common curtesy and told us of their plans, I could have withdrawn son and eased him out of state tournament expectations. For the umpteenth time, Ex purposefully sabotaged my ability to make informed decisions for son. My first mistake was emailing him back and telling all this. Ex responded by telling me I do not deserve common curtesy and that he will never show me common curtesy. It was a six paragraph rehash of every perceived ‘offense’ I committed during our marriage and how I took him for everything in the divorce. It was the same old same old emails and texts he had been sending for 4 solid years. Just a complete trashing of me, my character and how much he despises me. At the end of the reply he once again told me I am ‘blocked’ and the only way I am allowed to contact him is through USPS. I have lost count of the number of times he has ‘blocked’ me so I cant reply, then unblocked so he can add heaps of trashing of me, then re- block. I used an old email address to reply and told him I was done with his abusive emails and text and was purchasing a parenting app which would be our sole communication avenue. Ex replied coping SD, our joint daughter and his mother to his response. Once again it was another multi-paragraph take down of my character, and name calling, although scaled down for his mother’s benefit. He even went so far as to say he didn’t know about the state tournament because my emails are so abusive he doesn’t read them. Which of course was an outright lie. He showed up the regional tournament which was listed in the exact same email with the state tournament dates. It was perfect example of why I was demanding accountability through a parenting app. An app that cost me $300 for the first year, but worth it to end his ability to send me such abuse anytime he wanted.

My second mistake was responding stating this whole thing is over his refusal to show me common curtesy and keep me in the loop of the plans that directly affect son and I. I had given Ex 2 dates for the entire summer and I had given Ex’s mother one date for the entire summer. And neither one of them felt it appropriate to tell me they scheduled their activities on the one and only date I had given both of them. Ex’s mother interjected herself at this point. She made it about herself and Ex and somehow I was at fault for ‘arguing’. She didn’t mention that they made plans that they unquestionably knew directly affected son and I and chose to leave us in the dark to find out last minute and third hand. She didn’t mention that my only ‘argument’ was their decision to show son and I zero common curtesy and leave us in the dark for 5 weeks and let me find out third hand.

I pulled son from the tournament last minute so he could attend the small family only memorial. Now I know Ex’s mother is most definitely one of his flying monkey minions and is as untrustworthy and toxic as Ex.

2025……

This year Ex didn’t attend son’s regional tournament. I sent Ex a message after the regional tournament letting Ex know son was advancing to state. Ex’s initial response was he wanted to switch weekends because the state tournament falls on ‘his’ weekend. I replied I assumed he would want to be with son during the tournament and this was his response. His ‘previous’ response was his demand to switch weekends.

This is his response to notification of the state tournament.

Son’s Bocce coach asked me if Ex was going to attend the tournament. I let her read the message thread. She shook her head and said why wouldn’t he want to come cheer his disabled son on?

That’s a very good question…..

All the blocking and unblocking. He likes to tell me off, tell me Im blocked, then unblock to add to it, the reblock.

The screen shot below is of a little video I had taken of Ex and our family Golden Retriever back in 2019. When I found out our dog had passed January 2022 I sent it to Ex. Im fairly certain Ex had never seen this little video prior to me texting it to him in 2022. The screen shot below the picture was Ex’s response. His response was all about the fact I hired an attorney and wouldn’t blindly accept his divorce demands. Ex took our family dog away from the kids and I in June of 2021. I was heartbroken to hear she had died. I texted the video only. No words or commentary on my part. I thought he might want this sweet little video of her. I guess he didn’t.

Here’s another stupid text exchange:

I saw ex-stepdaughter and her long time boyfriend this past Saturday. SD came to son’s baseball game. After the game I walked up and gave son a hug and said hello to SD and boyfriend. Boyfriend said hello, EX turned around backwards and ignored me, SD kept her head down and side eyed me without looking up or turning her head towards me and barely grunted a very muffled hello. My thought at the time was I don’t think she realizes just how stupid her behavior looks or that her behavior is a near identical replication of her father’s behavior.

She’s a walking talking oxymoron in the flesh. I kinda sorta get siding with your parent over your ex-step-parent in a divorce. Up to a point anyway.

She was and may still be a ‘mean girl’. She was THE mean girl during middle and high school. SD is an attractive girl. I believe her boyfriend thinks he won the trophy girl. SD was the mean girl at home as well as school. She bullied, lied about and stole from her siblings and step-siblings all throughout the years. I see a lot of Ex’s traits in her. The two sides of the same coin, sweet when she needs to be, not so sweet when it suits her. My youngest son from my first marriage and SD are 2 months apart in age and spent almost their entire school age years together. Son suffered a great deal at her hands over the years. Some of her shenanigans towards son got her in trouble at school. She treated youngest daughter with pure distain and just plain ignored youngest son.

SD lived with us full time for several years but testified against her dad in open court at least twice back in the mid 2000s. SD testified to her dad’s abusive behavior and that she wanted to live with her mom again. SD ended up back with her mom 1/2 time after that.

Ex ignored and/or excused SD’s behavior away and always blamed her behavior on SD’s mother. One example was staying out with boyfriends. My oldest daughter is 4 years older than SD. It was the same time frame for both girls but oldest daughter had already graduated high school. Ex called oldest daughter a slut to her face when she stayed out all night with her boyfriend and told her if she let on to youngest daughter where she had been he would kick her out of his house. SD was declaring she staying at her mom’s over the weekends, but we found out this was a lie. All throughout high school, SD was spending the majority of the weekends ‘camping’ with her boyfriend and her mother was covering for her. Ex said nothing to SD. I asked how is it he is calling my adult daughter a slut for staying out a handful of times and remaining silent when his teenage daughter is spending the weekends with her boyfriend. EX raged at me stating that it wouldn’t do any good to say anything to SD because her mother would let her spend the night with her boyfriend every other weekend anyway. But Ex continued to call my daughter names in front of everyone. Understandably, oldest daughter moved out of our house. And SD got a pass. There was also youngest son from first marriage GF. SD and son are the exact same age, in the same school grade. SD and her boyfriend stayed shut up in her bedroom when they were at our house. Ex said nothing to SD. Nothing. Son had a little GF for a while. The first night he took her up to his bedroom, Ex stormed up the stairs, slammed son’s bedroom door into the wall and screamed they are not allowed to be in son’s bedroom. Son’s GF ran out, left the house and broke up with son. Ex was terrifying. Again, I asked why the disparage in rules. Rage- rage was his answer.

Another example was clothes. Oldest daughter had a job and was using the lion’s share of her wages to buy herself new clothes. It wasn’t long before daughter was complaining she couldn’t find a lot of her clothes. She speculated that SD was taking her new clothes to her mother’s EOW in her backpack. SD vehemently denied taking anything. Then one weekend SD was at her mom’s posting selfies of herself and her friends online. Sure enough, SD was wearing oldest daughter’s brand new clothes. Im not talking about a shirt or two, Im talking about hundreds of dollars in new clothes, an entire wardrobe. Ex barely said anything to SD. Ex refused to address it with his ex-wife. Ex told oldest daughter there was nothing he could do and essentially told her to just suck it up. Once I had the proof SD was stealing daughter’s clothes, I started keeping anything new she purchased in my closet. SD never returned daughter’s clothes, and Ex wanted the subject dropped. Again, Ex gave SD a pass at daughter’s expense.

Ex was harsh and unloving towards my 4 kids, Step-son and our 2 kids together. Ex never hid that SD was the favored child. Although SD had flavored status with Ex, he was still an asshole even to her. Just not as big of an asshole as he was to the rest of the kids. The biggest difference between all the kids was how Ex talked to SD in baby talk. This high pitched sing song voice. Ex was talking to SD in this voice when I first met him and SD was 3 yrs old. I assumed Ex would start talking to her in a normal voice as she got older. Nope. It’s continued to this day. Youngest daughter picked up on the baby voice when she was around 11 or 12 and SD was pushing 20. Youngest daughter would shake her head and say Im the baby and dad’s never talked to me in baby talk, youngest son is disabled and dad never talks to him in baby talk. Ex did not talk to anyone except SD in baby talk Youngest daughter would ask why? Never really had an answer for her. After the divorce process started, Ex started talking to youngest son in baby talk if other people were listening, otherwise the baby talk was still reserved for SD. It’s been a disgusting and contrived display. I should add, Ex has a pretty deep voice, so the baby talk is so far from his natural voice and I cannot imagine SD hasn’t noticed what the rest of us cant not notice. SD basked in Ex’s babying when she was little but holy moly, to hear him talk to her in baby talk as an adult…Ex’s baby talk to SD is so overt all the other kids, to include youngest daughter, Ex’s daughter, refer to the baby talk as Ex’s SD voice.

SD wore her disgust for EX on her sleeve. She frequently asked why does he act like that? What’s wrong with him? And sometimes she said out loud-he’s an asshole. She told me many times she didn’t understand why Ex treated me the way he did. So on some level SD knows just what Ex is capable of.

SD continued to spend most of her weekends and evening away from the house over the next several years and we rarely saw her. She eventually moved out with her boyfriend late 2019 and we almost never saw her after that.

So it was a bit surprising, and honestly disappointing, how hard and fast SD came to her dad’s defense once his affair was finally common knowledge and I filed for divorce. SD has first hand knowledge just how bad Ex treated her mother, SD undoubted knows Ex treats me with the same psycho behavior as he treated her mother, yet SD totally rejected me and completely embraced the affair partner, actively granting her dad a pass to commit the same Narc behavior to yet another woman. And it appears Ex actually did exactly that.

SD turns 29 on her next birthday. So she’s old enough to know better.

It’s hard sometimes: remaining silent, refraining from defending yourself. Last summer youngest son was playing Bocce. The state tournament was out of town in July. I informed Ex in writing of the tournament date in April. I informed Ex’s mother of the tournament date in May over the phone. So apparently in late June Ex and his mother planned her one and only visit to our state last year the same weekend as the tournament. And neither of them had the common curtesy to give me a heads up. I found out through the grapevine last minute. They had every expectation son should just forfeit the tournament without telling me. I brought up to Ex that common curtesy dictates they inform me of the conflicting schedules. Ex replied copying SD, youngest daughter and his mother, that I didn’t deserve common curtesy and rehashing what a POS wife I was during the marriage. It was insane. Ex’s mother who should have never been copied to our conversation in the first place interjected her two cents, and in a way that told me Ex didn’t give her the whole story or at least gave her a very skewed version, or maybe she was just being the nana/mommy enabler she always has been. I still stand by the fact that if someone knowingly makes plans that directly affect me, they should tell me. Not leave me in the dark to find out third hand and last minute. Yet Ex told me in writing I didn’t deserve to be told and his mother came to his defense. If they had kept me in the loop in a timely manner son could have been better eased into not attending the tournament, instead of the last minute shit show they created.

SD and youngest daughter remained silent during this exchange but it’s clear SD frosty attitude towards me completely iced over after that.

I have learned silence can be and is golden. Why defend myself to people who think nothing of treating son and I so shabbily.

Youngest son routinely comes back from Ex telling me how badly Ex, SD and boyfriend talk about me in front of him. This is really the only area I have struggled with remaining silent. Three adults who claim to care about son trashing his mother in front of him. That’s not love, that is self serving, obtuse and tone deaf. Flying monkeys doing what flying monkeys do best…and SD is a willing and completely entrenched flying monkey.

At the ripe old age of 28.5, instead of growing up and on, SD is still the enabler, back stabber, mean girl of her youth, she just added flying monkey to her long list of personas. And that makes me kinda sad.

It wasn’t until after the divorce started and Ex was ordered out of the house and I could breathe a little that I started online searches of Ex’s behaviors. I never understood Ex’s weird obsessions centering around SD. I learned pretty early on he had SD on a pedestal. He had two kids and the disparages between their rankings in his eyes was irrational. SD couldn’t do anything wrong, and SS couldn’t do anything right. My 4 kids soon rated down with SS from the get go. One golden child and 5 scape goats. Even our two children together never ever measured up to SD. As our marriage droned on, Ex made it clear to me she rated above me too. It was so weird. Ex expected me to put him first, but he put SD first. Now I realize the terminology: triangulation. Ex uses SD as a pawn. It’s still weird. I understand the mechanics of his behavior but I still can’t wrap my head around the why. I don’t understand Ex purposefully making one child believe they are less than another in his eyes. I don’t understand making your spouse believe they are less than a child. But I do now understand it’s triangulation. I just have trouble wrapping my head around the reasoning. I lived it. Am living it. Youngest daughter lives it. It’s so purposefully hurtful. I pray SD one day realizes what is completely evident to everyone else.